Brad Messer Commentary
8:15 a.m. Tuesday, Nov. 19, 2002

There will be a meeting today to set tactics for the Bexar County vote recount.

The Elections Administrator has reserved four jesters, one wizard, one pound of enchanted Florida chads, the Keystone Kops sound track, and a matrix of crystal balls.

First on the schedule today: a Las Vegas stage magician with the power of levitation. He will be given a reasonable amount of time to try to levitate the ballots, in such a manner that the 15-thousand Page Two ballots that have become separated, will float magically to their original Page Ones.

If this doesn't work, if the 15-thousand orphaned ballots remain unreconciled, ethnic dancers will perform a ritual, and a clairvoyant will conjure a mojo. This is to be followed by an attempt to read the true vote totals in tea leaves.

It is estimated that the recount will be about halfway done at that point.

Then come six supervisors supervising, five dowsers dowsing, four seers seeing, three probers probing, two judges judging— one big fat guess.

But wait, there's more! The first 25 elections officials will receive FREE makeup kits, with everything needed to recreate the beloved Bozo the Clown. And rumor has it that the Dead Democrats Association will be handing out $5 bills and giving free car rides. And at the finish, a voodoo dude will do that voodoo that he do so well.

So I'm optimistic. This may be the best, most accurate recount we have had in years. Maybe ever.

Brad Messer— commentary, KTSA.


Express-News report on the recount-planning meeting HERE


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