Brad Messer Commentary
Wednesday, August 13, 2003

Dem ol' Internet Blues

If you're not on the Internet yet, save yourself the grief. Stay away.

When it works, it's glorious. That's why your friends are always saying stuff such as, "Oh, Myrtle, you don't have email?"

But yesterday at KTSA the Microsoft worm was eating into the brains of our computers and we almost couldn't function. Then last night my cable modem went down – third time in 6 days – and there was no way to connect to the Internet.

Once you're accustomed to being connected to the whole wide world, there's bad withdrawal when you can't. A kind of heebie-jeebie, lost, hopeless, helpless mix of feelings. I thought well, I'll do what people do when the electricity goes off. I'll have a deep, meaningful conversation with my family and we'll get to know one another better. Like pioneer families sitting around the campfire.

But I've already had a meaningful conversation or two this year, and anyway I was home along because my family was gone to the Forum with credit cards.

I began sinking into them ol' "I ain't got no Internet" blues.

Alone. Unconnected. Isolated. Lonely. I finally thought of the antidote. Ice cream.

Friends, if you're not on the Internet yet, avoid the risk of withdrawal— unless you really like ice cream. It works pretty well.

Brad Messer commentary, KTSA.

First No. American rights granted Infinity / CBS Radio for
broadcast on date only. All other rights reserved