Call a Cop

The police department is tired of sending officers to take reports on minor thefts, small burglaries and other petty crimes they hardly ever solve.

Civilians already answer the phones for the small stuff. Mostly people just want to get a case number for their insurance company. Real cops are freed up to go do more important stuff.

Now Police Chief Albert Ortiz says sending a live, breathing policeman to take minor reports will no longer be an option. It'll be the phone, or nothing.

I expect budgets will continue to get tighter in future years. Soon we will be asked to telephone the police to report minor crimes that we ourselves have committed. Hello, SAPD? I would like to report myself speeding northbound on I-35 near Walzem, 70 in a 60. I have pulled myself over. Please tell me the amount of the fine and I'll mail it in.

A few more years down the line, more budget cuts, Hello, SAPD? My store has just been robbed by two men with guns. I have captured and disarmed them myself, and I have tied them up with duct tape. Please send a cop.

What? No cop? What should I do? Call a cab and have the driver take the robbers down to jail? Okay. Yeah, I'll put some more duct tape on 'em, just to be safe.

Brad Messer commentary— KTSA.